Motherhood

The Lonely Side of Motherhood

When I dreamt about becoming a mom in the early days of my childhood, I always dreamt about holding a sweet, beautiful baby (much like the baby dolls I had), that weren’t loud or cranky, always smiling and eloquently dressed and who followed me around with no resistance. I always imagined all of the fun that we would have and never ever thought about the journey of motherhood in any other light. I never once imagined that I would or could ever feel lonely. But, it’s a feeling that I’ve encountered more times than I’d like to publicly admit on my journey through motherhood over the past 8 years. Yet in still – here I am – admitting it lol.

I say all of that to say that you mama, aren’t alone in your feelings of loneliness, anxiety, depression and despair. And as ironic as it might seem, loneliness in motherhood is more common that you might know.

Now, that we’re on the same page in knowing that loneliness is something that is pretty common on this journey of motherhood, I’m going to break down a few reasons why and give you some suggestions on how you can overcome them!

Loneliness can make it’s ugly attack at any time during the pregnancy stage, right after you give birth, and even months or years down the line after you’ve had your baby. It doesn’t care if you’re a stay at home mom, work from home mom, or even a mother who works outside of the home. Loneliness in motherhood can happen for many reasons:

-The adjustment to motherhood can be extremely overwhelming (even though some make it look easy, as a mom of almost FIVE kids under 8, I can tell you it isn’t)

-It can be challenging to maintain friendships with friends who don’t have kids yet and are not in the same season of life as you because they can’t relate

-It can also be equally as challenging, if not more challenging to make new friends because you have children and it may be difficult to get out of the house and get a full sentence out without a little person interrupting you lol

-Getting out of the house with a baby or kids in tow can be more difficult when you’re tired, exhausted, or are having a hard time recovering after childbirth…

-And the list goes on and on…

But I’m here to let you know that you don’t have to let loneliness win and get the better side of you or your emotions. You can curate your life to be the way you want it with friends you like, family you love and work that fulfills you.

Some steps that I have personally taken to combat loneliness are:

  1. Communicate with the people around me (this could be your spouse, parents, significant other, friends, co-workers, etc.) Often times, the people around us don’t know that we are suffering until we communicate what is going on because they are normally focused on the challenges that they have in their own lives. So, communicate with a family member or a friend and see what comes from that conversation!
  2. Limit time on social media – yes I said it… While I enjoy scrolling thru Instagram and Tiktok, sometimes I have to limit my time on these platforms because they can cause me to think that my life isn’t as good as someone else’s. So, if I find that my mindset is not in a strong, happy place, I take some time to get my mindset and perspective right before I head to social media to scroll or interact.
  3. Get dressed and get out of the house. If you know me IRL (in real life), you know that I love to get dressed up any chance I get! But with children in tow (especially FIVE now), it can be a little more challenging to get out of the house whenever I want. But, when I’m feeling lonely, I make it a point to get dressed no matter how crazy the day is and get outside for a little while. The fresh air and sunlight immediately improve my mood and being around others helps ease the sadness.
  4. Pray and read the Bible. This one may sound cliche but I am a living testament that it isn’t. I can say that in my own situation and circumstances that every time I feel these feelings of loneliness that praying helps change everything for me. I know that the God of the universe hears me and my prayers and answers me every time. It’s amazing to know that He is concerned with even the “things”.

This isn’t an exhaustive list of what you can do, merely a place to begin if and when you ever find yourself on the road of loneliness. Remember, you can always reach out to me!

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